Category: humor

New dog misunderstandings – Part 3

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Have you seen a video of or have had a cat that you put a harness or sweater on? Well, I put a harness on our new dog so there wouldn’t be a strain on her neck while she’s learning how to walk on a leash properly.

Much to my surprise, she behaved as though the harness weighed 20 lbs. She stopped moving instantly and acted like it was too heavy for her to walk. Once I did get her to start moving, she dropped to the ground and laid on her side, just like I’ve seen cats do in videos. Although I did my best not to laugh at her, it was hilarious! Did I mention that she is not a small dog.

She must’ve been raised with cats because there are a few things she does that I’ve only see cats do. For instance, when I point at something that I want a dog to look at, typically a dog will look where I’m pointing. When I do the same with a cat, the cat will look at the finger that is pointing.

Is this because cats believe they are more intelligent and superior to dogs and don’t want to look silly and a dog doesn’t care? Ha ha … who knows?.?. Our new, old dog looks at the finger not at what I’m pointing at. And to be honest, it makes me feel silly to keep pointing when she clearly doesn’t get it.

She also does this when I’m putting a treat in her dish. She looks at me like, “I just saw it in your hand. What did you do with it? Are you magic? Where did it go?” I can point to the dish where the treat is sitting and yet she will continue to look at my hand.

Other areas, she learns really fast so I know she’s capable. So much FUN!

New dog misunderstandings – Part 2

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If you’ve seen the movie, “BIG” there is a scene where Tom Hanks tastes caviar and doesn’t spit it out so much as lets it fall out of his mouth before he wipes it off his tongue. This was hilarious (to me) and one of my favorite scenes.

I know you might think you know where this is going.

I’ve always had canned pumpkin on hand in case my dog gets an upset belly. A few table spoons, a few times a day most often did the trick.

I had a dog that was on a non-chewable medication. I would use a plastic spoon to get a large scoop of pumpkin and put the capsule in the center. We had it down so smooth that the pumpkin (and capsule) would slide easily down his throat. He’d then get another two scoops to ensure it went down.

I was thinking our newest dog might have a belly ache within the first week of rescuing her. I got out the plastic spoon, loaded it with pumpkin and THOUGHT she’d open her mouth to take it. She didn’t so attempt number two.

I didn’t make the airplane sound or gestures but did try to get her excited about it. She opened her mouth and in went the pumpkin. She opened her mouth, tipped her head downward and out plopped the pumpkin. She wouldn’t even lick it off the floor. I have NEVER seen a dog do that before. It was hilarious.

A while later we tried it again and, yup … had the same results. The next time, I put it in with her food. Yay! Success

New dog misunderstandings – Part 1

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We rescued a senior dog from a shelter 10 days ago. She is 12 years old and it doesn’t seem that she’s had the greatest life. She doesn’t know what a toy is and doesn’t know how to play, other than what appears to be how she played with another dog. She isn’t house-broken and doesnt know any command either.

She’s turning out to be an amazing dog. She is kind and gentle. She doesn’t make a sound and we were sure that she must’ve had her larynx removed but a few days ago she heard something and barked. Yay! In this short time, she has come to trust me, which at times takes awhile for a rescue animal.

She’s doing great at learning to potty outside and head for the door when she needs to go. So I thought the next thing is to learn something new.

I decided to teach her to fetch so we got a couple of toys that belonged to my other dog. We stood at each end of the hallway and tossed a ball and a toy back and forth. My hope was that if we acted excited about the game, she would join in. I could swear that each time we tossed a toy, she’d look at me as if to wonder why on earth we were doing that. I think I caught her rolling her eyes at us too.

Ok, so that didn’t work. She had absolutely no interest in the toys, any of them. A couple of times she got excited and began nibbling at a cushion and a throw blanket. This got me thinking, she needed something to naw on and she didn’t like what I had out for her. I got 5 old socks that were in a bin to be used for dusting, (a couple of them were heavy winter socks). I tied two knots in each of them. Years ago I had dogs that loved to play tug-of-war with old socks with knots. I did my best to encourage her to play with it but she wasn’t interested in them. The next day she’d occasionally pick one up and naw on it a bit. The next day she’d pick one up and carry it to the couch with her.

Yesterday she brought three of them to the couch, one at a time. YaY! She has something of HERS that she loves. Here’s my chance to teach her to play fetch, right.!?

I took the heavy sock that she seems to like the most and threw it a couple of feet. She ran to get it! I cheered her on and encouraged her that this was a great thing that she just did! She came running to me and I cheered her on again! I took the sock from her and threw it further. I cheered her on as she got it and started running back towards me! I was so excited, we were playing fetch … but oh, I guess we’re NOT. She ran by me and went into the other room with her sock.

Today I attempted to play fetch again with the same results. I know, I know the same thing will produce the same results. Clearly she did NOT understand why I’d cheer her on and then take it away from her.

One day we’ll get it down, I’m sure of it … really I am.

More technology changes – Batman

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In 1989 the Batman movie with Michael Keaton was released. How obsessed was I with this movie? Well, when all the hype was over, my husband surprised me with the life-sized cardboard Batman that he had bought from the video rental store. I loved the Batmobile too! I thought it was simply the coolest car on earth (at the time).

The same year as the movie release there was a Roadster Show in town. I had never been to one of the Roadster shows before or had even been interested in going however … THE Batmobile was going to be there. I wanted to see that car!

A friend of mine went with me. I was so excited and as we walked around searching for it, my excitement grew. Then I saw it! There it was! I walked around it and looked at every inch of it, oozing with admiration. The guy working at the booth came up, hovered and made small talk.

In the movie the car had this very cool ‘protective shield’ that covered the windshield to make the car more secure. That was one of the things I wanted to see most on this car. I was looking closely to see where this gadget was hidden and how did it come out to cover the windshield. I asked the guy hovering over us where it is and could I see it work.

I’m a pretty intelligent person however, this guy looked at me like I was an idiot. He said, “This is just a car. It can’t do that. It was all movie technology”. He did it, he burst my bubble. I was crushed, like a kid walking up to a closed candy store.

As we were walking away he shouted to me, “There’s no Santa Claus either”. Ugh. Now, years later, I laugh every time I think about it. That technology was a big deal back then. Think of the difference between 70’s and 80’s Disney movies and technology in movies today.

Hummus, hummus everywhere

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I was getting ready to sit and watch a movie. I made a nice batch of hummus and chopped up some veggies because, well movies and snacking go hand-in-hand.

Have I mentioned before that I’m a bit clutsy? I know I’ve mentioned that I tend to laugh vs get upset over spilt … whatever.

Well, last night I was walking from the kitchen to the TV room, minding my own business when out of the blue some cosmic force allowed the bowl of hummus to slip out of my hand and directly onto the floor. I must’ve had too much moisture in my hummus because it splattered everywhere. The more I looked, the more I saw.

I hope you’re able to watch this video as, this post needs a visual.

https://videopress.com/v/nhojnw5H?controls=false&preloadContent=metadata

Garage Sale Frenzy

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Spring is almost here and so are garage sales.

One Saturday when I was a teenager my mom and I went on a garage sale frenzy. We drove up to one house where there were items all over the driveway, in neatly defined rows and the garage door was open. I must say however, that something felt odd about it.

We got out of the car and my mom said, “Hi” to the man by the garage. He said, “Can I help you?”. She told him, “No” that we were just looking. He then told us that he was cleaning out his garage and it was not a ‘garage sale’. UGH I was so embarrassed! Can you imagine as a teenager, the horror. Yikes! To this day, I make sure it’s a garage/yard sale before I get out of the vehicle.

Not quite up to date with the times

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I was on a trip and rented a car. I drive an old Jeep so all bells and whistles in this new car was a bit daunting (but fun). I had the gps on my phone and the phone needed to be charged. I plugged the usb into the slot and at the same time the radio also came on.

I love music! The majority of the music I listen to, is from my iTunes playlists and most of those are older (60’s – 70’s songs). The first song came on and I was happy with that so I left it on the station where it was. On the fourth song I mentioned to my passenger that I couldn’t believe what a great radio station this was, that I loved every song that’s come up.

The fifth song that came up was drumming music that wouldn’t be on a radio station and certainly wasn’t the same genre of music as the last four songs. When I realized that we were not listening to a radio station but that it was the music on my phone that was playing, I almost had to pull over from laughing so hard.

Guard dogs? The mom dog

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There was a time, many years ago when we had a small dog (terrier-chihuahua mix) and large labs. When the doorbell would ring the dogs would all bark like crazy. The small dog would jump up and hit the door at about 5 ft high. With the combination of barking dogs and the thump of the door being rammed, the person on the other side would have no idea how many beasts were ready to pounce on them.

We could see out the peep-hole that often times the person on the other side was wide-eyed and had backed up, 10 ft from the door. What they didn’t know was that the little dog was the biggest threat. She wasn’t as loveable as the large dogs.

One time, a cable person came to install or adjust something (I really can’t remember). As he was tinkering behind the TV, this little dog sat and watched his every move. He asked me if she was going to bite him and I said, “I don’t know, I suggest no sudden moves”. What a great little guard dog she was. I was sure she wouldn’t bite him and would have felt awful if she did. What I did know was that there was no way he was going to get to close to me.

When this little dog was younger she wasn’t very friendly with strangers and did not like kids running and yelling. She was the second mom in the house. When my youngest son would run through the house, she would nip at his ankles to tell him to slow down.

She was also the boss of the labs. When they’d do something she didn’t want them doing (like playing too rough), she would nip their bottom lip (probably because at a quick jump that’s what she could reach). They would lay down and stop what they were doing.

When one of our labs had puppies, she wasn’t completely interested in attending to her pups like I believe most moms would. Our little dog again stepped in. Although she couldn’t feed them, she would be close by if they needed anything. She was very attentive to those nine puppies. At five weeks old, they were the same size as she was.

As she got older, she learned from the labs that the nicer you are, the more strangers will want to pet and give attention to you. Her name was Sugar, although Spice would have been more fitting. We had a cat named Spice that we had adopted as a kitten close to the time that we adopted Sugar as a sweet little ball of fluff.

Not the first time I sipped tea

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There are some things that most of us take for granted. With our eyes closed, we can point to our nose, ears, mouth, etc. The same goes for eating and drinking. When we’re eating, most of us don’t have to think about where our mouth is.

I have a small (keyboard width) desktop in front of my keyboard with the monitor behind that. Thank goodness because when and (well IF doesn’t seem to be an appropriate word in my case because I’m pretty clutsy) if I spill something, which most likely I will (and do) from time to time, my computer and keyboard won’t be in the line of fire (or liquid most likely).

I was standing at my computer. I had my tea-mug in my hand and was looking at something on the computer. I’ve done this hundreds of times over the years however there must have been some mis-fire in my brain. I tipped the mug to take a sip and the tea when down the front of me. OMG! I know the edge of the mug was touching my bottom lip, or was it? I could not figure how I didn’t have my mouth in sync with my pour.

Sweet-tooth snacking surprise

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Many (many) years ago and this was so many years ago that one of my food staples was sweets. I still have quite the sweet tooth but avoid foods with sugar nowadays. My then husband liked sweet-snacking but not to the extreme that I did. For the sake of this story I will toss in the fact that I don’t like to waste food.

My husband had mentioned one time that he much preferred the Oreo cookie to the Oreo creme center. One day I had a sweet tooth and thought of those Oreo centers. I didn’t and still don’t like the Oreo cookie itself.

In my sweet-tooth, raging thought process I believed the non-wasteful, considerate thing to do was leave the Oreo cookies for my husband to eat and I’d just eat the centers. I was in the bedroom one night and heard my name called. Well, not called but yelled! Gulp! I knew he just found the creme center-less Oreos. I can’t remember if I got a lecture or just a look. I promised never to do it again.

A few things that I cringe thinking about

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Keeping warm: When I was very young and we lived up in the mountains and it would be so cold in the winter mornings. I would often jump out of bed and sit over the heat vent with my night-gown over my legs so that the heat would blow up and keep me warm. One morning I felt something on my leg. A daddy-long-legs came out of the heat vent and was crawling up my leg. I never sat over that vent like that again.

Poop patrol: When my boys were young we had labs and one smaller dog. If the boys were going out to play in the back yard, they were to pick up the dog poop before they played. We did have shovels and pooper-scoopers yet one day my older boy came running in to tell me that his younger brother (who was 6-7 years old at the time) was picking up dog poop with his hands. We were all grossed out, except my younger boy.

Smells: When my boys were young, for some reason if my husband or youngest son smelled something gross, they would immediately say, “Ewe, smell this”. Myself and my oldest son continually looked at them like they were nuts, “If it’s so gross, why would I want to smell it”.

Wipes: About two years ago I was having surgery to remove a kidney stone that got stuck. I had to go to the bathroom one last time before surgery. The attending nurse told me to be sure to use the wipes and sanitize myself again after I was done, and before heading back to the room.

I was done on the toilet and saw a plastic container of wipes. As I reached for it and vaguely remember that it had the word sanitizing on it. I wiped myself and instantly I felt an incredible burning. I hit the call button for the nurse. She quickly gave me the soothing wipes that were in a drawer (really?).

I had used the disinfectant sanitizing wipes. I wouldn’t recommend that.

Fireflies – We’re never too old

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In the mid-90’s I was working in Tennessee. I spent two-three weeks at a time there. One of the gals I worked with and her husband took me to dinner one evening. We went to the New Orlean’s Manor. It was daylight when we went in to the restaurant.

The sun had gone down by the time we came out. There was a yard right out front, across from the driveway. There were twinkling lights all over in the yard. I asked what the twinkling lights were.

Fireflies! OMG. I had never seen a firefly other than on tv. I ran out into them like I was 7 years old. I was in awe of them. I feel a twinkle in my heart and get warm fuzzies every time I think of them.

Selective Hearing

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When my oldest boy was in the third or fourth grade I was increasingly becoming concerned about his hearing. It seemed that he often said, “What” or just didn’t hear me at all.

I asked the school nurse to schedule him for a hearing test. At the end of the day she had him tested, she asked me to come in and sit down to discuss the results. She told me that his hearing tested good and that he was simply ignoring me. What a relief, I think.

I was a paranoid mom, worrying that something would happen to my boys. To my defense, they were young at the time that John Walsh’s son was taken. We were all a bit scared.

I would tell my son over and over to wear a helmet when he was on the skateboard or bicycle; to watch for car; etc. Years later I was on the phone with him and he started yelling at his young step-brother to put a helmet on. Ha Ha Ha … he listened, heard me, he just chose what to let me know what he had heard.

I like what you like

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I like food and I like to eat. I’ve been blessed with a high metabolism throughout my life so that I can eat and not have every calorie add a few pounds to my weight. I haven’t been as fortunate the last have of my 50’s but it hasn’t been too bad and I eat what many people refer to as rabbit food (plant-based) so there’s that.

When my chosen daughter was about 12 years old she liked to eat whatever I liked to eat. I would go to the fridge and what I wanted was gone. I don’t mind sharing my food (mostly) but I like to know certain things are there when I want them.

It got to the point that I’d start experimenting. I’d get odd foods and flavors hoping that she wouldn’t like them and therefore, it would just be mine. I could rarely find something she didn’t like (she’d eat most anything, just like me). I can remember how thrilled I was when I got blue cheese dressing one time and she didn’t like it. Woo-Hoo! It was like finding the holy grail. The only problem was that I really didn’t like it either. I did however get used to it.

Lids for bowls, totes, and …

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It seems that about every 2 years I really clear out and reorganize. It’s usually in the middle of purging a lot of ‘stuff’. Like socks missing from the dryer, lids and matching bowls as well as lids and their matching totes seem to wander off.

Recently I noticed that I have quite a bit more lids than I do bowls and containers in my cupboard. How does that happen? I use them, they get washed and put away. I have the same issue with totes. Totes of all sizes from large storage totes to smaller ones. I have a box of lids and only two empty totes. I know I went through and had matches just a couple of years ago.

I’m a pretty organized person, so to have things turn up missing is a bit baffling. It’s one of those things that makes me shake my head, roll my eyes and chuckle it off. It seems that it’s a part of this life that just is what it is.

Yonder Firpiece?

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I grew up in Colorado and then moved to Idaho. My folks were born and raised in New York City and New York is where most of my relatives lived for much of my life. Other than occasionally on TV, New York accents were about the only accents I was really accustomed to hearing.

In the mid-90’s I was part of a team who was working on a project that primarily took place in Nashville. There were eight of us on this team, all from different offices within the Company. I was the only one who did not live in the South, two of them were from the Nashville area. I had been to that office a couple of times and over the years had been on the phone with some of my Nashville co-workers.

Our first day in Nashville to begin work on this project, we took a lunch break and it was decided that I would drive to where we were going to eat. I don’t know why I was the one driving since clearly I was not a local. This lunch outing would truly be my first introduction to the southern language. Most of these gals had as much fun with sarcasm as I have so … you can imagine the fun we had understanding each other. There were 5 of us who went to lunch that day.

I was guided to turn onto a road and then told to go ‘yonder firpiece’. For the first time in my interactions with my Nashville co-workers, I really felt like they were speaking a different language. I first asked how far ‘yonder is’. I would think that at least one of them would know how far ‘yonder’ is but I could not get a clear answer. I could let that go because from time to time we all say something like, go that way for a bit, a ways, etc but … what is a firpiece? When I questioned the definition of a firpiece’, we all laughed so hard I thought I’d have to pull over.

I can tell you that the only answer I got was that ‘firpiece’ is actually, ‘for a piece’. When we got to the restaurant it was a BBQ diner. I’m not a big BBQ fan but hey, when in Rome. I looked at the menu and had a tough time figuring out what to order. I wanted some basics since I was unfamiliar with most of the items listed. (I never imagined how different our foods were.) I ordered pork, corn bread, beans and hominy. When my plate was ready there was shredded meat, a pancake, bbq beans and the hominy. I went back to the ordering counter and told the gal that I got a pancake (I’m not fond of pancakes) instead of corn bread. … you guessed it, that was my corn bread.

One time in a restaurant the waitress asked me if I wanted a ‘coke’. I asked if that was the only ‘pop’ they had. She looked as stumped as I had felt on the drive to the BBQ diner. She said we have coke or water or sweet tea. I thought it was odd that they only carried coke. When the laughter at the table subsided I learned that ‘coke’ was the term for any soft drink just like the word ‘pop’ is to me.

I loved these gals and we worked together on this project for about a year and a half. I can’t tell you the numbers of times we teased and laughed about the differences in our food and language.

A dirty computer screen

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I was on a Zoom call with the ‘gallery’ view set so that I could see everyone. There was just three of us this call so each image was fairly good size.

I was looking at a gal while she was speaking and a spot on my computer screen, near her shoulder distracted me. I wanted to ignore it so I could give her my full attention but knowing it was there, my eyes kept going to the spot.

It was a small spot. I assumed I must have been eating something the last time I was at the computer and some food leapt from my mouth onto the screen.

I reached to wipe it off, finger to the screen and … it wouldn’t wipe off. Not only did it not wipe off but I couldn’t feel a raise like hardened on food either. Hmmmm, I thought it was distracting before, yikes.

I decided to let it go and I’d take a closer look when the call was over. Only a few moments later, the gal who had been speaking got up. The spot on my screen was actually a ball on the top of the back of the wooden chair she was sitting in. The way she was sitting, I couldn’t see the back of the chair, just the ball on the screen right above her shoulder.

We all got a good laugh over that one.

Bed and Breakfast?

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I’m sure it’s happened to all of us and/or we’ve done it to others. Someone mispronounces a word or the wrong word comes out of their mouth and it tickles our funny bone. Well, I cannot even count how many times something comes flying out of my mouth that entertains someone else. Sometimes we get the giggles thinking about it for years. This is one of those but at the time it annoyed me.

I have no recollection of the conversation except for this one piece of it. My boyfriend and I were in the car and I said, “… bed and breakfast …” or so I thought. He said what? Confused at what part he missed, I repeated myself. When I got to the “Bed and breakfast” part he laughed and said, “That, say it again”. I repeated myself but he kept laughing harder and I was becoming annoyed.

I wound up saying it over and over, slowly and all of a sudden I heard myself saying, “Br-ead and br-eakfast”. UGH I still roll my eyes and laugh about it, 20 years later.

Out the In door

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Growing up in Colorado and then living in Idaho my maturing years I was amused by many things during the mid-90’s when the Company I was working for sent me to Tennessee. One of those amusements was the name of a grocery store chain, “Piggly Wiggly”. My amusement may have been the reason for choosing that store to shop at one day.

I went in, got a few groceries. Well, not groceries. I was on a project team for the Company and I was in Tennessee 2-3 weeks at a time. My first stop before I got to the hotel each trip was always a grocery store, to stock up on snacks. The Company agreed to allow us to include grocery stores on our food allowance budget since our out of State stays were so long.

This particular snack-shopping trip I had checked out and was heading to the exit door. Pushing the grocery cart to the doors to exit, the door wouldn’t open. I rolled the cart back and forth in attempts to trigger the automatic door opener but to no avail.

Before long I had a few people waiting behind me. I let the people behind me know that the door wouldn’t open in hopes that someone would get an employee to help us. A gal from the parking lot approached the doors. She walked to the outside of the door that I was in front of and it opened.

Looking up, the EXIT sign was in front of the other door and we were all standing in front ENTRANCE door. I would have felt absolutely ridiculous however I was the out-of-towner. I always thought it was funnier that the other people stood behind me instead of going to the other door. I should have titled this, “Follow the leader”.

Irresistible Rescues

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Warning: This may start off a bit emotional. If you want to skip that part, go down to the fourth paragraph.

I love animals large and small, large like bears and lions; small like pet (domestic) rats. When I was young I wanted to be a veterinarian and even had the opportunity to begin an apprenticeship of sorts when I was 14 years old. I found that I couldn’t handle watching animals who had to be put down and I never returned.

We had a few pet rats when I was a kid. They were very friendly and sweet. They would cuddle and lick and never nip or bite. We had dogs and cats I loved them all. My weakness is the baby animals.

From the time I was a young adult, I always had rescues. My first as a young adult was a black lab pup that was found. A work colleague called and asked if I wanted it, knowing the answer of course. Unfortunately he died when he was only six months old. When my boys were very young my husband and I got a black lab. When he was about 4 years old he had a neurological issue and became vicious and eventually had to be put down.

When my boys were still pretty young we got a lab pup from a nice small kennel. She grew to be a large lab. This was my third lab. She was a beautiful yellow lab and almost white. Her AKC name was Accents of Ivory Jasmine.

I had never had a small dog and thought it would be nice. My husband went to the pound and found a half-chihuahua/half-terrier. We named her Sugar.

One day (while Sugar was still a pup) the boys and I went out garage sale-ing. My oldest boy needed a bathroom so we went to a former baby-sitter’s house. She was happy to see us and told my son to use the bathroom in her bedroom.

Only moments later my son was making all kinds of strange noises. He yelled for me to come and I bolted into the bathroom only to find a litter of kittens. The garage sale-ing stopped because we needed to go to the store and buy whatever our new kitten could possibly need. Her name was Spice. (Her name was Spice because I was starting a theme, not because I baked a lot).

Next we bred Jasmine (a one time thing and we gave away most of the pups to our friends). One of the pups had to be resuscitated shortly after birth. We kept her because her feet were huge and we knew she’d be a big girl. Thank goodness we kept her because she was developmentally challenged. She was such a sweet dog but much like Odie (of Garfield) and was like a 4 month old puppy her entire life. My husband named her Comet. Comet? After a ball of fire in the sky or a cleanser? Who knows. Obviously there was no respect for my pet-name theme.

Our next pet came to us, much like all the kids selling whatever. There was a sign above our door that read “Sucker” or “Softy”. Regardless it seems that we were the only ones that couldn’t see it. There was knock on the door one evening. There was a person with a kitten. I melted and my husband (standing behind me) said, “No” before this person even spoke. The person pleaded and said they were moving and that the mother cat was hit by a car and … oh my what a story. Who knows if it was true or not but my husband still said no. And me, well I don’t need a story.

The next morning, my husband left for work and within 15 minutes there was a knock on the door. It was the same person with the kitten again. I can’t even remember what was said, probably, “Please”. I, of course took the kitten. The boys went off to school and I went off to get kitty stuff. I’m not sure why I wasn’t at work that day but thank goodness.

When the boys got home from school I told them not to say anything to their dad when he got home. Ha! He walked in, the boys were standing there with grins as wide as their faces and he knew. He said, “You got the kitten didn’t you?” His name was Cinnamon.

Halloweening

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Just a bit of reflection and nostalgia-tripping. When my kids were young Halloween seemed to be the time of the first snowfalls of the season, in these parts. There was definitely more snow.

When we chose Halloween costumes, they had to be large enough to go over the jackets. I do remember one year (when they weren’t so young) that the neighborhood boys all dressed as female cheerleaders. If I remember correctly, I think they were very cold. I’ll post a photo when I come across it.

For years now I buy bags of selected party favors so I have about 15 varieties of little toys. I avoid sugar and don’t want to support anyone else’s sugar habits (it’s just not healthy). The Teal Pumpkin Project is about handing out treats to kids that are allergy free so that if kids have allergies to certain food, they can still enjoy the treat. I heard of them a couple of years ago. It’s actually less expensive to buy the little toys and the kids LOVE them! I have kids return each year excited to see what’s new. For the first and second year trick or treaters I usually have small bottles of ‘bubbles’ or something toddler-friendly. I get such a kick out of seeing them have fun.

Although during this pandemic I’ve social distanced, I chose to hand out these treats this year. My safety though was, once I open the door the kids choose their toy from a large tray and they leave. We don’t have too many conversations and they are not there very long. It seemed safer than a grocery store, as far as spreading. Most of the kids (few that we did get) this year were wearing masks.

Only in the movies?

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There are some things I had only seen in movies and then a couple of years ago …
I guess it was time to bring a little movie comedy into real life. This is why America’s Funniest Home Videos has done so well.

Shoe laces: I went outside to get the mail wearing tennis shoes/sneakers with the laces untied. I can’t count the number of times I’ve done this. I came in the door, with the screen closing behind me and bam! The shoe laces caught in the screen door and I went down face first.

Luckily my arms hit the ground before my face so I wasn’t hurt. I laid there and laughed at what that must’ve looked like. I couldn’t believe it really happened.

Treadmill: My mom wanted a treadmill. I was so happy that she was willing to exercise that I found one and went and got it within 18 hours.

The treadmill was pretty big. It was actually seemed much larger taking it out of my Jeep than having help putting it in. …duh…

The walkway to the front door has a sharp angle/turn because it begins at the driveway and has to angle to the end up at the front door. The treadmill was about 4-6 inches narrower than the sidewalk which is only about 2-3 inches extra on each side.

The treadmill has small wheels on one side and it folds up pretty well. I found that I could bungee it together (to stay folded securely) and walk backwards, pulling it and it could roll pretty easily. Easy as pie right? I’ve never made a pie, hmmm.

As I was rounding the turn in the sidewalk, I miss calculated. I turned just fine but the treadmill, not so much. A wheel went off the side and down it came. In a moment, I was laying on my back on the sidewalk with a treadmill laying on top of me. Again, thankfully I was not hurt. I laughed so long and so hard that I had to gain my composure to get it off of me so I could stand up.

Facing my fear of heights

Posted on Posted in healing, healthy, humor, over-coming fearsLeave a comment

I imagine this is the longest blog post I’ve ever written. I hope you get a great belly laugh reading it.

First off, let me say how grateful I am that I find such humor in my challenges and mistakes. After-all, I’m only human. I have a terrible fear of heights. Even when someone is close to the edge in a movie, my knees quiver and my stomach heads upward to my throat.

The balcony: A week after I was married (20 yrs old), we went to a concert. My husband got balcony seats. gulp I was so scared to go down the steep steps to our seat that I cried (literally). My husband was one of those very popular people and of course we were surrounded by people he knew. He repeatedly was telling people that he just got married and then would point to the girl who was standing against the wall sobbing. After that, I always made sure that if I were going down steps, that someone was directly in front of me so that basically, I couldn’t see where I was going.

I don’t like how limiting this fear is so for years, I’ve been challenging myself. This rarely turns out well but I have continued to give it a shot.

The small town bridge: Just last month, while my vehicle was in the shop I walked around town. I walked on a bridge that went over the railroad tracks. I focused on looking forward and I did great, even though the sidewalk seemed narrow and the cars went by, I did it! On the way back I crossed the same bridge. For some reason, this time the sidewalk seemed much narrower and the cars seemed to be wizzing past me. As I neared the top of the bridge I mistakenly looked outward from the bridge, my eyes dropped and I instantly went into a panic attack.

I made sure to keep breathing. My knees wanted to buckle and I found myself mindfully putting one step in front of the other and again, and again. I can’t imagine how slowly I was moving. I wanted to be rescued but that was not realistic. I kept putting one step in front of the other until I was close to the bottom and the sidewalk widened to a normal size again. whew … I made it!

The glass elevator: There were many similar instances. In 1995 I was in Nashville for work and stayed on the top floor of the Embassy Suites. It’s a beautiful hotel with a glass ceiling over the atrium lobby and, of course they have glass elevators. I got in the elevator looking just like any other adult. I pushed the button for the 9th floor, waited and up we started. As soon as we left the ground floor, all I could see was how high I was off the ground; my knees buckled and to the floor I went. I squatted on the floor until the doors opened for my floor. … at least it was most likely unforgettable and entertaining for everyone else in the elevator.

The grand staircase: While in Nashville, I also went to the Opry Land Hotel; which is another gorgeous place with many restaurants and a breathtaking atrium area. When I went in I saw a huge staircase that looked like it was from the Gone with the Wind movie set. I went up it so fast that I didn’t take time to think about how I would get down. Stairs are an issue for me so I ALWAYS use the handrails. Well, this banister and handrail was beautiful wood approximately 6” wide which of course is too wide to grip. I could gracefully put my hand on it if I were in a movie with a long flowing gown in quite dramatic fashion … oh who am I kidding? I would trip on the long flowing gown and slide my way down (hopefully on my rear end vs my nose). I stayed up on the landing until someone was willing to walk down in front of me so I couldn’t see where I was going.

The Royal Gorge bridge: Just to give you some perspective: The Royal Gorge bridge is 1260 feet long and 18 feet wide. The steel base structure is covered with 1292 wooden planks and is 955 feet above a canyon (the Arkansas River). It is also a suspension bridge so you can feel a sway as you go across it. From 1929 – 2001 it was the World’s highest bridge.

I grew up in Colorado and we would take our out of town visitors to see it. I could never go across it. I would stand at one end and … you got it … cry because I was too afraid to go across.
In the late 1990’s I took visitors (one being my chosen daughter) from the South to go see it. Two of the three I brought there were young (about 10 and 13 yrs old). I stood at one side and looked across to the other where the gift shops were. I decided I was an adult and by golly I was going to make it across that bridge.

As the kids darted back and forth looking over the side, (ha ha ha over the side, I couldn’t even look in the direction of the side). I bravely walked right down the center, eyes focused on getting to those buildings on the other side. I got about half way across and felt the sway. My knees buckled and I went down. I squatted and kept control of my nerves. I contemplated turning around and going back but that didn’t seem to be an option because I was unable to turn myself around. I took a few deep breaths, got up and with a fast-paced, focused walk, I made a b-line for the other side.

Of course to get back to the car, I had to do it again however … I had a focus point on the other side and went right down the middle walking as quickly as I could.

The ferris wheel at the North Pole: Another attraction in Colorado is the North Pole – Santa’s Workshop in Cascade, near Colorado Springs. There is a ferris wheel. The elevation of this giant wheel is 7,200 feet and as far as I know is still the World’s highest ferris wheel.

My chosen daughter at 10 years old wanted to go on it but wasn’t tall enough to go alone. No one would go with her so I said I would accompany her. The gal at the bottom that buckled us in said to give a thumbs down if we needed to come down.

Did I mention that this giant ferris wheel juts out from the side of the mountain? Just as we near the top and are hanging over the side of the mountain it stops. I’m assuming to let someone off and another person on, regardless it stopped. I opened my eyes for a split second and decided not to do that again.

Our seat was wiggling so I peaked. My dear girl was wiggling her feet. I told her not to move. She was very sweet and compassionate, wrapping her arm around me and patting me with her other hand, reassuring me that we’d be okay. I peaked down and saw the others laughing hysterically as my head was buried into the abdomen of this 10 year old girl until we got back down to the ground.

Pikes Peak: My favorite Pikes Peak quote: “The middle of the road IS my side”. As an adult I wouldn’t go to the top unless I was the one driving. There was no way I was going to be in the passenger seat, on the edge.

Needless to say, everyone loves going to amusement parks and fairs with me because I’m the one that is too chicken to go on the rides so I’m the designated “Hold this” person.

My dog thinks he’s very clever

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My lab thinks he is very clever. There are certain times of the day he needs to go outside to go potty, especially first thing in the morning before he gets breakfast and right before we go to bed.

The rule is that every morning he goes outside to do his business (both) before he comes in to get fed his breakfast. He gets so excited to eat (he’s a lab, he always thinks its time to eat), that he pretends to do his business. He does this sometimes at night too.

He’ll do one thing and then look to see if I’m watching him. Because he does this often, I have to watch him, like he’s a 5 year old kid. When he sees me watching him, he’ll go behind a bush and just stand there for a moment and then come running to the door. I tell him that I know he didn’t finish and to go potty. He’ll go back out into the yard and do it again; stand behind a bush, peeking at me. Sometimes he’ll go behind a bush, see my watching and find another bush and continue that 3-4 times. All I need to do is stand at the door and point to the yard and he’ll go back to recalculate his next move, like it’s a game. Sometimes I need to go outside and wait, and then he’ll finish going potty.

It’s hilarious how clever he thinks he is.

Big brothers help

Posted on Posted in humor, kids, siblingsLeave a comment

When my oldest boy was about 3 years old he became a big brother. He was a kind and gentle boy. He was also as helpful as can be.

His newly arrived little brother was only a few months old when I woke up one morning and went right into their room. My big boy was so proud and couldn’t wait to show me how much he helped me with his little bother.

I looked into the crib to find his little, baby brother covered head to toe in white Desitin. Anyone who has used Desitin knows the white stain that it leaves on skin for quite awhile.